I have been feeling pretty melancholy since coming back to the states.  I hesitate to use the word depressed, because there is no hopelessness, in fact I’m pretty excited about the future and there’s a lot of cool stuff I’m working on.  But to be honest, I feel a giant void inside me where companionship should be, I’ve felt it for awhile, maybe about halfway through my time in Thailand.  Sure I’ve got a lot of friends and I know a lot of people, so I suppose what I mean by companionship is intimacy, the kind of relationship in which you can share everything with another person.  I’ve been alone for a long time, maybe my whole life, people come and go but if you are only thinking of yourself while you are with them is that really a relationship?  I deeply yearn for relationship, not a Facebook status just companionship with another person.  One thing I do respect about myself is that I am unable to settle for someone who is not compatible.  This does, however, make for extremely lonely intervals.